6:00 - Opening Act - Britney Spears. Britney apparently ate a stick or 50 of butter prior, then used the rest to squish herself into an outfit that might have fit her 3-4 years ago - before she exploded and her career died.
Is that Latoya Jackson up there?
Oh, and she can't lipsynch to save her pathetic life. Truely, deaf blind people lipsync better.
She can't dance anymore either. She walks like a drunk stripper - "anybody wanna dance?"
But I can't stop watching. Yes I can. No I can't. Yes I can. No I can't.
Yes I can, because it's over.
Sarah Silverman comes out. She's funny, right?
Not.
Nobody laughs at her slams on Britney. The hairless vagina joke falls flat - big surprise.
Nothing else she says is funny. Please leave now.
First award. Rhianna wins something. Does anybody care?
Cut to Kanye West singing on the balcony at the Palms in Vegas. Maybe he'll fall off. Then at least the show would be interesting.
Commercial break.
6:21 - Back from break. Some guy is singing a song that apparently requires the bleeping of every seven words.
Best new artist. Go pay a buck to text a vote. As if.
What is the "quadruple threat of the year?" Who makes this crap up?
Justin Timberlake is very happy winning an award nobody has ever heard of until 45 seconds ago. He calls out MTV to play videos. What's he thinkin?
Cut to Fall Out Boy. Could this be more random?
6:32 - Foo Fighters rock! But I can't figure out when the award part of the show starts.
Next up - the VMA for "Earth Shattering Collaberation." 50-Cent and Kanye West do a lame Frazier-Ali staredown. Kanye needs lifts.
Beyonce featuring Shakira wins. I remember when the categories made sense. Beyonce's about to have a wardrobe malfunction. Gee, I'd hate that.
6:36 - I assume this is Maroon 5. More commercials. Maybe they'll be watchable, 'cause this show is about one step away from bad public access.
6:43 - Chris Brown! Very First Time At The VMAs!
Who the hell is Chris Brown?
Oh - it's DJ Jazzy Jeff with Hitler's mustache.
And he's lipsyncing. Does anybody actually sing anymore?
Now he's impersonating Michael Jackson. That's really cool. If you watched this 15 years ago.
Yeah for commercials!
6:54 - Who the hell is this? Possibly cris-cross (or something) all growed up.
More stupid "don't vote for who you want to lose" in the Best New Artist category.
6:56 - Male Artist of the Year. I've never understood if these categories are based on music videos (i.e. the VIDEO music awards) or just the music.
Justin Timberlake wins. Probably due to his name recognition - and the fact that the other contenders sort of just, well, sucked.
JT says "play more videos." As if.
Foo Fighters are back! Rock on! I quit.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment