Just when I was starting to feel like I could be concerned about the homeless problem in this county, I learn that the smelly beggars are actually al Qaeda posers scoping out their next target. Now, generally, I'm not one to take serious most of the Dept. of Homeland Security "warnings," namely because I have never bothered to learn the color-to-threat conversion table (much like I never learned metric conversion - on the other hand, neither did NASA).
In any event, I can get behind this one. At last, I have an excuse to not give the homeless my spare change (which I don't do already, but I have to lie about why - "Sorry, I don't have any change," or sometimes just "sorry."). Now, whenever a shivering, dirty, hungry old woman asks me for change, I can respond in a strong, confident voice, "United We Stand!" before pushing her under an onrushing MAX car and chortling, in the words of Chief Wiggum, "Where's your messiah now, Flanders?"
Alternatively, maybe we can deport them to Venezuela, where, apparently, Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez is inviting Islamic Terrorists to spend their next terror training session in his lovely South American paradise. (Okay, there is no direct evidence of this, but come on - Pat Robertson has a direct line to God, PLUS his own TV show! I can' t argue with credentials like that).
Maybe the next time a homeless al Qaeda terrorist asks me for a quarter, I'll just point to the sky and screech, like Donald Sutherland at the end of the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers.
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Dude -- pretty good all the way through, but you had me at "where's your Messiah now, Flanders."
Awesome. Fighting terrorism and homelessness at the same time. They are probably just laying the gound work for the Supreme Court ruling that anti pan handling laws do not violate free speech because national security is at stake.
Post a Comment